Depression

I wrote this poem a few weeks back when I was stuck in a bout of depression. I didn’t want to share it at that time because I didn’t want any contact with the world and thought people would reach out to me and want to help. Anyone who has experienced real depression where nothing matters and there is no joy in the world will relate to that feeling. I love the Harry Potter books and can only describe it as feeling like you’re in the presence of dementors who are sucking the joy out of everything you normally enjoy. You want to hide away and just do nothing.

I’m coming out of the other side of that now and am posting this in case it helps someone to recognise that they are in the same unhappy place. I sought professional help when I first experienced this and now know what I need to do to get myself out of it. I will be posting another poem straight after this one which is mainly focused on some of the things you can do to try and regain your happiness.

How to explain why I’m not me

To the outside eye it’s hard to see

I’m lost inside this pit of fear

Enjoying nothing that I hold dear

Every step I take is so so hard

And every encounter depletes my guard

I’m trying to present a happy face

Whilst coming from a dark dark place

For those who’ve never felt this way

Chin up, smile, is what they say

But just to step outside the house

Has me cowering back like a scared wee mouse

Even this poem isn’t happening with ease

It’s like my soul is held in freeze

The cold stops me writing from a joyful place

And what comes out is fear, not grace

How to explain why I’m not me

To the outside eye it’s hard to see

I’m lost inside this pit of fear

But I need to get back to all I hold dear

Published by Suzi Magic

I started writing as a child but was encouraged to look elsewhere for my career and "get a proper job". I then became a nurse and have only recently returned to writing. I've recently published my first book which you can check out here www.amazon.com/author/suzifrench I live in a beautiful part of Devon, close to a canal where I love to go to write. I have a three legged Burmilla cat called Nala and love anything that brings a little more magic into the world. I developed OCD, Anxiety & Depression, back in 2007 which led to me having to retire from my nursing career and reinvent myself. I am passionate about helping people accept that debilitating mental health problems are just as valid as physical disabilities. And I want to help others who have these conditions to discover their own version of life magic. I am also a part time wheelchair user because of some chronic back conditions.

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